December 12, 2011

Thanksgiving and some other junk.

   
     It's been a little while since I've bothered writing anything here lately.  Blame Thanksgiving, my birthday, and one hell of a "vacation," ha ha :-)




    The husband and I decided that we would spend both my birthday and Thanksgiving(since my birthday was a day before Thanksgiving) this year up in Portland, where I'm from. Two words: Never. Again.


    Okay well, maybe not *never* again, but we'll definitely have to do some better planning the next time we decide to head back up there, and we more than likely will never drive during this time of year again. The trip up was absolutely hellacious, to say the least. It was gorgeous all the way up until we hit Oregon, and after we stopped to visit my great aunt & uncle in southern Oregon...that's when the "fun" started. I may or may not(I probably did though)have messed with our GPS and changed our route a bit-it was shorter the way that I changed it to. Problem was, the "shorter" route included the most ridiculous mountain pass in the whole damn state, and(just our luck!) we got caught in some freak snow storm that was completely unforeseen by any weather forecast. So, we get a little bit up the mountain, ran into some crazy snow and wind, decided it was too much for our car(which we didn't have chains on), and back doooowwwn the mountain we went. Talk about epic.freaking.FAIL. 


   Long story short, we finally made it up to portland the next day, spent about 10 days, had the usual mother-induced drama that apparently is a must-have with any visit we make to Portland(the kind where your mom gets SUPER mad that you don't revolve your schedule around her 100% of the time you're in town, not to mention a bunch of other petty dramatic antics), packed up and headed back to Texas. We took the I-5 route home, which was MUCH easier(with the exception of a few areas where there were some really strong winds-mostly in California and Arizona), and made it back here just fine. I can't say I'm overly thrilled to be back "home" here, but it is what it is and I'll make the best of the time we need to spend here.  


    This last week I was able to get mostly caught up on school work and get into the doctor's appointment I've been slacking on making. It was interesting, to say the least.  I've had all of this anxiety the last year or so, that I wasn't 100% sure where it was coming from. Obviously the cause for some of it was the mister's deployment and all of the stress that went along with that(you know, hoping he didn't die that day and trying to keep that whole "no news is good news" idea in my head when I would go days and sometimes weeks without a phone call-that sort of stress),  along with the stress that came along with him getting hurt earlier this year and then the fire that destroyed our home a month after that.  Not to mention the things that happened while he was still deployed-my back injury from work, my Papa passing away a couple of months after he deployed, etc.  I was in the doctor's office no more than 40 minutes before she said that she thinks all the anxiety I've been experiencing is more than likely due to some form of PTSD. I have to tell you, I about cracked up when she said those for letters. My husband, for the last 10 months, has been experiencing some PTSD himself, which is totally understandable, if not expected, after everything that he has been through and seen in his almost 8 years in the military, and 3 combat deployments. They've told him each time that he doesn't have it. I found it rather ironic that I myself, as a wife, never having been to any of the places he has or seen a fraction of what he has seen, can be more easily diagnosed as having something that shouldn't even be in question for him to have, than my husband can. It almost makes me thing that they are just refusing to say that he has is because they simply just don't want to pay him what would be owed to him. Since he is going through the MEB board process right now due to his injuries, a PTSD diagnoses automatically earns him a 50% rating-meaning that he automatically gets 50% of his retirement pay should he be MEB boarded out or when he retires. It seems a tad ridiculous that they would have an issue diagnosing someone who's done 3 combat deployments with something as basic as PTSD, but that's an issue for a different blog :) My doctor wound up putting me on an extremely low dosage of a medication called Effexor that is supposed to keep your anxiety in check, without making you feel all zombie-like. So far, so good. I've managed to not be so high strung and moody since starting it, which is definitely a good thing :-)


    Another thing I had in mind to blog about.....being put on medication for things like anxiety. There are some people who would rather not talk about things like that, simply because of the stigma that tends to accompany it. That whole "taking medication means you're crazy." No, no it does not-not at all. I've been guilty of those same thoughts myself, but it's so far from being true.  A lot of time, it just means that you need a little help getting your emotions in check. For me, it means I get to sleep much better than I was before, because I don't have as much difficulty  "shutting my brain off" when it's time for bed. People seriously underestimate anxiety-it can actually cause some serious problems. Personally, it's been an exhausting thing-to be "wound up" all the time. After everything that has happened in the last 15 months or so.....it's been really hard to calm down and just relax. It's almost been like I've been waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I've been moodier than I care to admit, and bless my poor husband-he's been having to put up with it. The medication I was put on earlier this week has been a blessing. It means I get to relax and quit lashing out at people and just enjoy things a lot more than I was able to before. It doesn't make me "crazy,"  it just lets me be better-functioning because I'm not exhausted constantly. If you need a little help to deal with things, so be it. There's nothing wrong with it, and there certainly shouldn't be any shame in it. We're all human, needing help is a totally normal thing and nobody should be embarrassed or afraid to admit that :-)


   Okay, now that I've written ya'll a nice long novel....I think I'll head to bed :-) Hope everybody has a great week! :-)

No comments:

Post a Comment