Healthy in all aspects

                So, I posted a month or so ago about having been put on some medication for the anxiety I was experiencing. I had an appointment this last week to further help "treat" the same issue, and had sort of a "duh" moment. 

                

               I've kind of always been a little high strung, but kind of always independent as well. Well, taking the advice of my primary doctor, I started some counseling appointments to help deal with what is causing the anxiety. So far, I love the doctor I've been set up with. After going over some of the event of the last year and a half, and a few from further back, she basically validated that everything that I have been experiencing emotionally has just cause for being an issue. Things like having your spouse deploy and all of the worry that comes with it, having a close family member suddenly pass away shortly after, having your spouse wounded and being uprooted to an entirely new/unfamiliar/unstable place, and then having your home burn down very shortly after that......those events aren't just ones that you can deal with and then brush off. I never realized just how much they had actually affected me. I was catching myself snapping at my husband and realizing how short my temper was without any really good reason. At the same time, I was still kind of in "deployment mode".....you know, the one where you're the one left at home, waiting on your other half to come back, and taking care of everything alone and on your own in the meantime. I never really realized up until these last couple of appointments how much all of that stress and all of those feelings had just stuck with me all this time. The thing is....once you reach that level of stress and anxiety....it's hard to find when the "off" switch is, or to deal with what you're going through and letting someone else handle things for a little while. Or at the very least, handing over *part* of the "load" to someone other than yourself.   

        After I had explained and gone through everything that had happened with this doctor, she looked at me and literally went "well, no WONDER you're so high strung." I have to admit, I laughed. The way that she explained it to me is that after all of these terrible things happened, my stress level raised to a certain level and just stuck there, and has been sitting up there ever since they happened. It's like I've been "waiting on the other shoe to drop," or in other words, waiting on the next awful thing to happen. I didn't realize it until she said it, much less did I know how to deal with what I was experiencing, but as soon as she said that.....I don't know, it was like this giant weight was just lifted off of me. Like someone FINALLY understood what it was that I have been dealing with all this time, and I could just breath again. I really have never been much into the idea of counseling and whatnot, but after this last week.....I can definitely see the benefits of continuing to see this doctor. Sometimes all you really need to do is just talk to someone neutral to your situation so that you can have some sense made of whatever it may be that you are experiencing. 

      One of the other major changes that I (or we, really, seeing as how Jeff and I have both been trying it out)have made is our diet habits. I had been doing some research on this so-called "clean diet," and decided that it seemed like it could be a good fit for us. We were both having some digestive issues, and had developed some really poor habits as far as junk food and soda were concerned, so there was absolutely no harm in trying this "clean" thing out. For the last few years, I've also had some metabolic issues, where it hasn't functioned the way that it should have been. So when I went in to get that issue taken care of, I asked my doctor about it and she said she strongly recommended it. So, we jumped in. We started buying a lot more fresh fruits and vegetables, replaced our junk snacks with things like nuts, berries, fruits and veggies, started buying more water and quit buying the junk food and soda. At the same time, I've spent more time than ever working out and forcing myself to find a routine that allows me to get in a couple hours of a workout in daily, yet still allots time for my school work and housekeeping, as well as anything else(errands, phone calls that need to be made, etc) done that needs to be. So far, I've actually been amazed by it. Jeff has kind of been easing into it, while I've pretty much just dove in head first and am loving it. The digestive issues we were having with all of the junk/processed products seem to have worked themselves out, I managed to kick to soda and more importantly, my COFFEE (if you know anything about me, you know that I have been a serious coffee junkie for years)habits, and I have an insane amount of energy without all of the junk just sitting in my body. It feels SO nice to be able to get through a day without that dragging feeling I always used to get, AND I've already managed to drop 18lbs(insert happy dance here). So this "clean" thing definitely has some pretty major benefits. One of the biggest reasons I'm loving it is because you don't FEEL like it's a "diet." You don't feel like you're depriving yourself of anything, and your meals are broken down into several smaller ones, so your body is constantly fueled, leaving no chance to have that dragging feeling kick in like I got before. I gained a ton of weight a couple years ago, mostly because of a medication I had been put on but also because of poor nutritional habits, and I've tried a bunch of stuff to get it off, but this has by far been my favorite habit to replace the old, poor ones. I could never have run a mile a month ago, and I did that for the first time in years today. Definitely a change that I can see sticking with as long as it is this good to me :-) I'm not at all into the "new year's resolutions," and it's kind of just coincidence that these changes are being made now, but I feel like this change, along with the counseling I'm currently getting, are all things that will allow me to be 100% healthy in every aspect of my life. The idea of everything "running smoothly" is one that I am pretty fond of, I have to say.

      Something off topic and random....I'm involved with this group of really awesome women who are also all on this mission to get healthy. Not specifically to lose weight or to look a certain way, but to be HEALTHY. Meaning that together, we are all "retraining" ourselves into healthier habits as far as working out and food are concerned. One of the things I've noticed that kind of concerns me is exactly how unsupportive some of their spouses can be. The thing that has helped me more than anything else is the support during this change that I receive from my dear husband. I'll admit, it was a bit awkward at first to ask him about certain workouts or just whatever I had questions about, but he has never once made me feel stupid or uncomfortable or most importantly, made me feel like it's not "safe" (emotionally) to talk to him and ask him things. But since I have gotten used to the fact that it is "okay" to talk to him about this stuff.....I haven't had any problems just talking to him, and if anything, he's been pushing me along just as much as I have been pushing myself. I can't imagine not having that, and I've seen posts from women saying how their husband gave them crap about what they were doing, or teasing them because they had chosen not to eat certain things, etc. I get that there is light-hearted teasing that goes on, but what I was reading was pretty vicious. I cannot for the life of me how someone that you gave the rest of your life to, for better or for worse and in sickness and in health, could ever possibly be anything BUT supportive of whatever it is that you have chosen to do, ESPECIALLY when it comes to something like pushing yourself to get healthy. I'm not naive, I know that there are far too many marriages/relationship that are ridiculously unhealthy and lack communication and encouragement. I also know that I am insanely lucky to be married to such an amazing person who not only supports me in whatever I am doing, but who I am comfortable talking to about anything and completely being myself with. Not to mention that he has done whatever I have asked him so that he can help me push myself with certain things. We basically have that relationship that everyone idealizes when they think of marriage-there is nothing off limits, he is absolutely my best friend and soul mate, and I love that the marriage that I dreamt of long before I ever met my husband, is now the exact one that we have created together. I guess it just blows my mind that you would marry someone and then completely disengage yourself from what they are interested in or doing, particularly when it comes to something that requires a ton of moral support in order for you to be successful at it. I've seen it happen time and time again, but I just find it upsetting when people take each other for granted when so many people would kill to have someone there at all. 

I think that's about all I have to say for right now, and it is far past *this* girl's bedtime haha :-) Happy Monday, goodnight!